Choices
by I'm-Reading
Summary: Bella answers the phone when Edward calls. Jacob/Bella/Edward


I wasn't ready. Hadn't prepared myself. I hadn't committed myself to this path. It didn't feel bad, though. It was natural. Easy as breathing. His hand on my face felt good, not like _his _touch had been, but nothing every would. I was sure of that. I was positive that he was going to lean in and kiss me. His mouth was centimeters away and I could feel his breath mixing with mine.

The phone rang. A shrill ring that made me jump out of Jacob's arms, my hand snatching the phone from its cradle.

"Hello," I said my voice an octave higher than usual.

"Bella," the warm voce of Carlisle greeted me.

An automatic smile spread across his face. Jake watched my expression cautiously and he looked ready to sprint out the door back to his friends. I held out my hand for him to wait. He shrugged leaning back onto the kitchen counter.

"Carlisle," I said and Jacob wrinkled his nose. I frowned at him.

"Alice told us of her _vision,_" the doctor said worriedly and I could imagine the expression on his face. "Is everything alright?"

"Oh," I said, "Alice and I had a little misunderstanding. I was cliff diving, purely recreational."

"Cliff diving?" Carlisle asked, his voice slipping slightly.

"Yeah," I said, "just for fun. Jake pulled me out in time."

"So you're alright," he said.

"I'm fine, thanks Carlisle. It was really nice of you to call. Alice might stay with me awhile though. There's a bit of a problem down here."

"Problem?" Carlisle asked worriedly.

"Victoria."

I heard a low growl from the other end of the line that sounded very uncharacteristic of Carlisle.

"What?" a velvet voice fumed.

"Edward," I breathed.

My knees felt weak and I had to lean against the kitchen counters to support myself. Jacob was at my side in an instant.

"What's happening?" he whispered, supporting my weight with his large arms.

"Bella," Edward said. My hallucinations hadn't done his voice justice. It was more beautiful than anything I had ever heard. "What's happening there?"

I couldn't talk, couldn't make my mouth open and form the words. My breathing came out uneven and ragged. The hole in my chest threatened to split in two. It almost felt like he cared about me. But he didn't, so I hung up the phone muttering a quick, 'we've got it under control'.

And then I collapsed. The hole was widening, carefully sewn pieces crumbling. I collapsed into Jake's arms. He stared at me in confusion, but wrapped his arm around me burying his face in my hair. I was sobbing so hard that I was shaking, quivering in his arms. He rocked me back and forth and I think for the first time Jacob realized how damaged I was.

For a moment I worried that he'd reject me, move on to someone who could love him fully and completely. But he just clutched me tighter to his chest, stroking my hair softly.

It was in this position that Alice found us. She frowned and I stepped out of Jake's arms. I smiled at him weakly, wiping the tears from my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt.

"Thanks Jake," I said, "You better get back to the funeral."

"Sure, sure," he said backing up, "Was just leaving."

He gave a backwards glance at Alice before jogging out the door.

Alice gave me an odd look, pulling out the kitchen chair and sitting down.

"What happened?" she asked.

I sat down in the chair opposite her. This was one of the things I had missed most about Alice. She could just _talk._ Nothing was awkward to her. She was apart from Edward. She could still be my friend even when he wasn't here.

"Things are different with Jacob," I said furrowing my eyebrows, "different with him than with anyone else. He took my shattered heart and sewed it back together."

I cast a side glance at Alice, but she only sat there, head on her hand, watching me.

"He's my best friend," I said slowly, "being with him is so easy. He knows me, almost better than anyone. But there are moments between us that are more _intimate_-" I wrinkled my nose at the word, "than merely friends. I love him. Not anywhere near as much as I can, as much as I love Edward. But…" I trailed off unsure how to continue.

"He makes you happy," Alice said softly.

"Happier than I thought I could be after you left."

Alice frowned in displeasure.

"I know that he's not going to come back," I told her.

"Maybe," was all she said.

"Do you think he will come back?" I asked her, fearing her answer.

"I'm not sure."

"Can you see it?"

Her lips turned downward in displeasure.

"No."

That hurt. More than I thought it would. The hole was seeping through and I wrapped my arms around my middle.

"It's not healthy," she murmured.

She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me to my feet. She carried me to my room laying me down on the bed, pulling the shoes off my feet as if I couldn't do it myself.

"I'm alright," I mumbled.

She turned to leave and I grabbed her wrist.

"Stay," I whispered.

She nodded, lying on top of the bed beside me.

"Talk," she ordered.

"About what?"

"Anything."

We talked. Not about anything in particular. About the past, the future. About books we read. Movies we'd seen. We had a long conversation about Halloween. The Cullen's apparently had a thing for Halloween. I hadn't known that. I'd never much been into Halloween. This surprised Alice.

"You've never dressed up as a vampire before?" she asked with a smile.

"I'll just get you to lend me some clothes next Halloween."

She laughed softly, and gave me a smile as if to say 'silly human'.

"I've missed you Alice," I said later that night.

"We've all missed you," she said, and then frowned, "it isn't the same without you or Edward."

That made me frown.

"Sorry."

Alice laughed, a sound that was like tinkling bells.

"It's not your fault, Bella. You've never done anything wrong."

"It feels like I can never do anything right. Can never be good enough."

Alice looked at me in disapproval.

"What could ever make you feel like you weren't good enough?"

I could feel the edges of the hole in my chest, ignored for the last couple of hours pocking through my shell. I winced.

"I wasn't good enough for _him._ That's why he left."

Alice made a sound that sounded somewhere in-between a laugh and a growl. I looked at her curiously.

"Is that what he told you?" she asked in a low voice.

I nodded slowly, my chest aching suddenly as the memory of that day was brought into the forefront of my mind. I cringed away from it unconsciously. Alice noticed this and pulled me into a gentle hug, wrapping her little arms around me.

"Oh, Bella, honey…" she murmured, "He didn't mean that. You are amazing and wonderful and Edward loves you very much."

I pulled away from her, staring at her achingly beautiful face. And suddenly I was sobbing again, throwing my arms around her and clinging on tight. I didn't like crying. But today was a day of many tears. It seemed I couldn't stop the water flowing from my eyes.

"You really thought that he didn't love you," Alice whispered to me, rocking me back in forth, "he hasn't been himself since we left. He's lived by himself for the past couple of months, said he needed time by himself."

"Why now?" I whispered brokenly, "When I'm just becoming happy again."

Alice looked at me sadly, butterscotch eyes appraising me.

"You don't have to choose Bella. It's not a competition."

I looked at her in agony, running a hand through my hair.

"But I can't not choose. It's either vampires or werewolves. The Cullens or Quileutes. You and Jacob can't even exist together in the same room. Can you imagine what would happen if Ed-" I stuttered over his name.

I couldn't allow myself to hope; when Alice left it would be hard enough. It would be too much if I allowed myself to hope that he would come back.

"Who would you choose if it came down to it?" Alice asked me softly, "my feelings aside."

I looked at her for the longest time. My brain whizzing from thought to thought. I didn't know. I'd never thought that it would come down to that. I loved the Cullens dearly; they were a symbolic representation of my perfect life. But the Quileutes had something special, they were like a family, rowdy, but filled to the brim with love. I could see myself there, with Emily and whoever else joined the wolf girls club. It wasn't perfect, but that's what made it so appealing. It was happy and bright, warm.

But I didn't love Emily like I loved Alice. Didn't find the same warmth in her hazel eyes as I saw in the topaz ones across for me. Jake was natural and easy, but Edward was beauty and beautiful moments. Jake was laughter and Edward was serious. But I missed Jake horribly; it drove me into a frenzy without him around. He was a safe harbor. I knew I could live without Edward, it was hard, but I could manage. Could I live without Jake. Maybe.

"I don't know," I said softly, "It's like Jake is warmth and laughter and Edward is beauty and ice. But… I don't know if I could choose one over the other."

Alice stared at me with dark eyes.

"Sometimes," she said, "you just have to."


End file.
